Oh the trickiness of real love...

Hello All!

You have no idea how excited I am about this blog finally getting underway. For quite a while now, I have had all kinds of thoughts running through my head and it’s exhilarating to know that I can share them with so many people.

Today, one of the things laying on my heart is love. And no, not because it’s almost Valentine’s Day. I am 30 years old and have been with my husband for over a year. This certainly doesn’t make me an expert but it has given me plenty of experience with the different types of love. One thing that I have had going for me is I have very good role models in that area. My mother and father have been together for about 34 years now (and still going strong) and ever since my brother and I were old enough to understand it, they have taught us what it takes to have a successful marriage. If you ask either one of them who their best friend is, they will point out the other. While heat and passion is all find and good (I certainly wouldn’t be here without it) a foundation of friendship and G-d as the center is key. If you can’t be friends with your significant other, how in the world will you truly love them? G-d speaks extensively about love in the Torah and in the Bible. The love of a man and woman, the love of a friend, the love of a family, and the love that only He can give us. But I see a lot of things clouding a person’s ability to see what real love is and to act accordingly. We have movies where things go south but everything is perfection in the end, we have books that depict love as heat and passion, and there are people who are convinced the simple act of giving themselves away to passion is the act of love...hence the phrase, “making love”.

My opinion of the definition can go in many different directions. I believe real love is selfless. I believe real love is wrapping yourself around another person without losing yourself in the process. I believe it’s putting aside your own desires for the good of the other person. I believe sometimes it entails taking a chance but also considering the consequences, not just for yourself but for the other person involved as well. I believe it’s thinking less of what you want and more of what the other person needs. Look at it this way, G-d asks that we love like He does. And while I think it’s impossible for humans to hit the mark 100% (thanks to human nature) I believe that anytime you are finding yourself in the good graces of another person, you should consider how G-d would want you to love them. G-d’s love is unconditional and as such, completely selfless. When you enter a marriage and/or become a parent, it’s no longer about you. And (if you wish to succeed) it never will be again. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I get my way, and there are times when my husband gets his. It’s give and take. It always will be. It actually reminds me of something I heard on the radio one night while I was driving home. A couple called in with a dilemma. They were in love and were planning to get married. But they couldn’t in anyway agree on the type of wedding they should have. He wanted an all out party and she wanted completely traditional. They were both on the line and you should have heard them fighting about it. Yelling and neither cared to hear what the other had to say. And this was just the wedding! The wedding isn’t even the most important part of a marriage people! So they opened the lines to allow callers to voice their thoughts to try and help. Many people were saying compromise. But these two would have none of it. It was one way or the other, no middle ground. And it actually made me sad and I felt confident enough to sit there and guess they would be divorced in a matter of years. I have seen too many people ruin a relationship, a friendship, and even lives, by not understand what is really involved in a marriage and what real love is.
When G-d gave us the capacity to love, He was giving us a huge blessing. He was giving us the chance to feel what He does. He was giving us the chance to look at another human being the way He looks down on us. And yet we still manage to get it wrong. There are very few people that can honestly say the person they spent their whole lives loving was the first and only time they tried at love. Most of us can only sit back and wish we had gotten it right the first time. I myself have failed in the past but I didn’t know what real love could be like till I met my husband and I didn’t know what real love felt like till I started seeing Him the way G-d does. The foundation of our relationship is the fact that we are each others’ best friends and we center everything around G-d. My engagement ring says it all. Some would look at it and think it’s the “past, present, and future” setting that is popular right now. But it’s not. The middle stone is a bit bigger than the two side ones because the middle stone represents G-d and the side stones represent husband and wife. The setting depicts a G-d centered marriage. As long as we keep that mind set, our marriage will end the way it should...”Till Death Do Us Part...”

G-d Bless,

K