I was ready to give up. Life was just too harsh. I didn’t think I could survive another day in Haiti.
I am a Human Rights Lawyer and have helped in slums like this all over the world; I have been helping in Haiti for the last eight months. It has become a horror story laced with rodents, roaches, ants and mosquitoes. Life without running water and electricity is exhausting. The stench of human waste and rotting garbage is inescapable. Violence and corruption are commonplace. We recently decided to stay and help out in an area known as Girardo-ville. Access to the heart of the slum is limited to one unpaved road that is almost impassable. The difficult physical journey out of the slum is symbolic of the even more difficult journey out of hopelessness in a city where death and disease linger everywhere in the toxic air.
One night, I became very sick. I awoke in the middle of the night shivering from the cold even though the night air was still very warm. I was running a fever and was wet from perspiration. I could not stop coughing. I became anxious when I realized there was no way out of Girardo-ville at night, and I had no access to help. The thought occurred to me that when people get sick here, especially at night, they die. It is that simple. Residents of this slum have nowhere to go for help; even if they did, they have no money to pay for medical treatment. Curable illnesses, such as malaria and pneumonia, quickly turn into death sentences.
In this place of overwhelming need, I faced my own emptiness and limitations. I faced my own dark side, my own deep poverty and loneliness, my own weaknesses and doubts. At the same time, in this dysfunctional city where extreme chaos and suffering are the foundation of every day, I found beauty, grace and a new way to look at life. This slum became a place of personal transfiguration. Haiti can change a person.
From my perspective, the situation in Haiti seems to be getting worse. There are still a million homeless people in Port-au-Prince. Tents are everywhere. They line the streets, they fill the fields and are jammed into every open space. After eight months, many tents are becoming frayed from the intensity of the sun and the nightly rain storms. Infectious diseases are spreading like wildfire. Violence against women is rising steadily. People are bathing in the streets. The rubble from the collapsed buildings is everywhere.
We met an amazing man - Fr. Tom
Nearly 20 years ago, a man walked into a lawless nightmare under the sun, a gentle, humble, funny man from USA. A former chaplain at Princeton University in New Jersey, he seemed ill-suited by temperament and training to be a beacon of hope in such a hopeless and violent place. His name is Fr. Tom. A member of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, Fr. Tom is the embodiment of the luminous force of intentional kindness and compassion.
He lives, not for himself, but for the forgotten and anguished people of Cité Soleil, a massive slum located on the margins of Port-au-Prince. He does so at great risk to his own life. He, with his dog, Julia, at his side, daily confronts the countless trials of slum life as he tries to comfort, encourage, educate, feed and care for the victims of oppression living in the shadow of death known as Cité Soleil. The first time we walked together through Cité Soleil, he turned to me and said, “In this neighborhood just because you are with me doesn’t make it safe. Someone put a gun to my head here just a few weeks ago.” Daily life in Cité Soleil is dominated by duplicity, fear, ambition, jealousy, rivalry, rumor, false per-ceptions, and slander. A current of violence flows just beneath the surface of it all. He has paid a huge price for trying to bring relief to desperate people of Cité Soleil. In his 16 years in the slum, more than 20 of his staff and volunteers have been murdered.
Half the newborn children in the slum will die before they reach the age of 5. At night, some kids are forced to stay up all night and beat the rats away with sticks. In Haiti, corruption and violence abound. The government is dysfunctional and out of money. Garbage is piled up in the streets and alleys. There is virtually no electrical power; people without a generator spend the night in the dark. Hunger and starvation are rampant. People live in unimaginable squalor and eat mud cakes made from clay, dirt, spices and sugar and contaminated sewage water. All of these shocking conditions existed before the earthquake. The grim, deadly and dangerous environment was made monstrously worse afterward.
Throughout his years in Haiti, he has been vigilant in protecting his morning time of solitude with G-d. Before the earthquake he used to get up every morning at 4:15. He would head straight for the kitchen to make some coffee in a small percolator. Then he would take the pot and a cup to the little chapel on the second floor. The walls were decorated with folk-art paintings of saints and people who had been murdered in Cité Soleil while serving with him. This was the most important part of his day, he said, and he jealously guarded this time of stillness and silence. He placed the coffeepot and cup on a small table next to his large, wicker rocking chair. A candle burned next to the coffee. He read his Jerusalem Bible by the light of a lantern flame, as electricity was only an occasional visitor, dropping in and out without notice. He would read a passage and then meditate on the words.
He said he often asked, “L-rd, why am I here?” He told me there were days when he couldn’t stand Haiti. Actually, a lot of days. He admitted that working with the poor is hard. “They are always pulling at me, always needing something. Some days it’s hard to get out, because so many are waiting outside the gate to ask me for something.” He said he would not survive without his early morning prayer time. “Some days I tell G-d I can’t get through another day.” At night, he returned to the chapel before going to bed, and thanked G-d for getting him through another day.
He still says Mass every morning at 6:30 in the nearby convent. “It’s like having a strong cup of coffee,” he said, which helps him get through the day. There would be many more tough days, as the earthquake destroyed his house, injuring him and killing two seminarians.
Confidence in G-d.
Cité Soleil, he said, has taught him there is no individual survival. “But the culture says we should know what we are doing all the time, you should be in control, self-sufficient. Well, that’s the advice of a fool.
“We are three-dimensional, we need to love ourselves, others and G-d all at the same time, which creates a synergism of love. Without any of those three dimensions, we become less human, less alive. All the evils of the world, I think, have been caused by one-dimensional people, people just focused on themselves. The culture is forcing us to be one-dimensional people.”
I asked Fr, Tom about Salesian spirituality. He said that according to St. Francis de Sales, everyone needed to have confidence in G-d. But if you don’t have confidence, tell G-d you don’t have confidence because it is really G-d’s problem. The priest added, almost with a chuckle, “Sometimes I am ready to say to the L-rd, ‘I’m losing confidence in you, too, where the heck have you been?’ ” But Francis de Sales’ point was more profound. He said, “You just know that the same loving G-d who took care of you yesterday will take care of you today and will take care of you tomorrow. So what you really have is what I call a positive arrogance. You wake up and know nothing will bother you. The spirituality of St. Francis de Sales is really about taking every moment as they come.”
In the aftermath of the earthquake, he uses a tiny temporary office, just barely large enough to fit a desk for his computer, a chair and a few cabinets. On one wall hangs a crucifix that seems to contain the story of the earthquake in all its agony. The crucifix once hung in the bedroom of the priest’s parents. It was fairly large, perhaps about 2 feet tall. After the death of his parents, he has always had the crucifix with him, no matter his assignment. In Haiti, it hung in the chapel inside his home.
When the quake destroyed his home along with most of the schools and other facilities that he had built over the years, the crucifix was hidden in the rubble. When it was pulled out, the Christ figure was missing its arms and legs. All that remained were thin strands of metal that formed the figure’s extremities. “In a country where so many people lost arms and legs, the figure was a disturbingly fitting symbol”, he said. “For me, the wounded crucifix perfectly represented the tragedy that had befallen the nation of Haiti”.
Ray of light.
In a world of shadows and despair, he is a gentle ray of light and hope.
He said, “Coming out of a collapsing building, hearing the cries and screams of those still trapped, has changed the way I look at things. Life has become more simplified. I can’t think of all the things I’ve lost or I’d be sad about it. The earthquake has made me become more detached from things I thought were important. I trust in G-d’s love. G-d does not want to hear about my aches and pains.”
He lamented that so much of the relief effort has excluded the Haitian people in the planning. “We are not going to make anyone’s life any better. We impose so much without asking actual Haitians what they need. But the longer I am here, the less I know. I feel strongly that we can do a great deal of harm with the best intentions when we begin to be the benefactor. Even with all this aid coming in, we must go slowly, and every step of the way we must include the Haitians in the decision-making.”
In the end, it seems, poverty is more than a lack of food and work. Poverty is a force that destroys the unity of the human family by dividing us into camps of those who have and those who don’t have. And between the rich and the poor, there is an impenetrable wall that separates us. That scandalous wall must come down. This humble man has taught me so much. One man, on a selfless mission; if only more people could care like he does. Proof of strength granted because of faith. G-d will always be everywhere we go and we will see Him if we believe. Please pray for all of Haiti and for men and women like Fr. Tom. Without them, Haiti would be lost.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Who Are We?
Humans are the only creatures on earth - at least this is what humans think - who are aware of their own mortality. We are finite, & being conscious of our finitude we quest for immortality.
True, on one level we realize that even after our physical demise we will continue to exist as part of the whole, as part of the ecosystem. And we understand that just as the whole of the universe can never be lost; matter can not fall out of the universe, & the idea of total annihilation is scientifically & logically impossible, but that perpetuation is not us. What we want to know is, will we - who we are now, exist eternally & individually? And if so, how?
What is the future if not a distant present. What is now may well be a harbinger of what will be. If we wish to know what will be, we must delve deeper into what is. What becomes of us after the mortal body passes on? This question is but an extension of the broader question, who are we?
Our physical life journey begins at conception; we develop rapidly as an embryo in our mother’s womb. A miniscule germ of possibility, but in no way inanimate or unintelligent. In the Talmudic tradition we are told that prior to birth, we are infused with the totality of wisdom. We are trained to gather information from within. The underlying premise being, that what we know is already given to us, & not apprehended through our senses. We are sensitized to our inner voice, our soul. Yet, at the awesome moment of birth an angel appears & gently presses the upper lip causing an indentation & the erasure of all memory.
We open our eyes & find ourselves in an Olam Haphuch - an inverted world. Here we are told that only that which can be felt with our physical senses, is reality. Slowly, with the relentless passing of time, we become an intimate part of this three dimensional universe, where what is real must also be physical. We believe that only that which can be seen is the absolute truth. Our senses become our source of knowledge.
As young children we develop self-awareness, we explore our growing body in awe. We are told that this appendage is called a hand, while this is a foot, & so on. Each part is categorized & labeled. We are fascinated by our discoveries, & as we grow older, our fascination takes on a form of worship. We look deeply into the mirror & see only our body, the soul has been forgotten. We begin to identify with the bulb that carriers the light, instead of seeing ourselves as the light which the bulb is but a vehicle.
Inside, while in the embrace of the womb, we knew with certainty that we are more than physicality. We knew, long before our bodies were fully formed, that the body is but a shell, a temporary habitat for the soul.
The Empiricists did not have it quite right. The mind - psyche - soul is not “a blank sheet of paper upon which experience alone can subsequently write.” Rather, ‘essence precedes existence.’ Each person is born with a distinct soul. The soul is our higher self, the self of our potential and possibilities, the part of us that stands above ego, selfishness, aggression & resentment. Our soul is the one who observes life, the inner self that witnesses your life. The soul is the background of our being, the light that masters our thoughts, emotions & actions. And this soul, which is who we really are, is paradoxically a colored sheet of paper - an essence, upon which life’s experiences will write & can brighten. So who are we now? We are the space in which life experiences occur, we are the sum total of soul plus life experience.
The dilemma of death, & the age-old question of what becomes of us in that ‘final’ state, is almost superfluous, for we are a soul, & that soul is eternal. We are born with our unique & immortal soul, it is who we really are, & our souls live on forever. Throughout the journey of life, the essence of who we are, our soul, accumulates experiences; knowledge, feelings, relationships & all that made us uniquely individual. When a person’s body ceases to function, the loss is only of the physical vehicle. The corporeal entity which gave the soul the opportunity to materialize actions & accomplish physical deeds experiences a rearrangement of its elements. Yet, what lives on, as an individual, is our soul.
Death is a retransformation to the original state of soul, with a difference, however. The soul is now an individual person’s unique soul, replete with life experience, as distinct as the one who possessed it. The symphony of our life experiences is indelibly imprinted in our memory. This memory lives on as part of the collective memory of the omnipresence, in the spiritual state of Bina. Paradoxically, in this lofty condition, the individual soul continues to exist as both part of the whole, part of The Infinite, while maintaining its finitude & individuality. This contradiction violates our linear way of thinking, & seems to us illogical. Welcome to a universe of spirituality where anomaly is logical & parody reasonable.
It is empowering & true, that when we deeply desire a glimpse into that universe, we need only live life today in an integrated & harmonious way, & as such, experience the future within the present. We have the power to see a world bathed in the infinite, if we but expand our vision & cleanse the doors of our perception. To observe as a poet once did, “a world in a Grain of Sand / & a Heaven in a Wild Flower / Hold infinity in the palm of your hand / & eternity in an hour.”
G-d Bless.
J
True, on one level we realize that even after our physical demise we will continue to exist as part of the whole, as part of the ecosystem. And we understand that just as the whole of the universe can never be lost; matter can not fall out of the universe, & the idea of total annihilation is scientifically & logically impossible, but that perpetuation is not us. What we want to know is, will we - who we are now, exist eternally & individually? And if so, how?
What is the future if not a distant present. What is now may well be a harbinger of what will be. If we wish to know what will be, we must delve deeper into what is. What becomes of us after the mortal body passes on? This question is but an extension of the broader question, who are we?
Our physical life journey begins at conception; we develop rapidly as an embryo in our mother’s womb. A miniscule germ of possibility, but in no way inanimate or unintelligent. In the Talmudic tradition we are told that prior to birth, we are infused with the totality of wisdom. We are trained to gather information from within. The underlying premise being, that what we know is already given to us, & not apprehended through our senses. We are sensitized to our inner voice, our soul. Yet, at the awesome moment of birth an angel appears & gently presses the upper lip causing an indentation & the erasure of all memory.
We open our eyes & find ourselves in an Olam Haphuch - an inverted world. Here we are told that only that which can be felt with our physical senses, is reality. Slowly, with the relentless passing of time, we become an intimate part of this three dimensional universe, where what is real must also be physical. We believe that only that which can be seen is the absolute truth. Our senses become our source of knowledge.
As young children we develop self-awareness, we explore our growing body in awe. We are told that this appendage is called a hand, while this is a foot, & so on. Each part is categorized & labeled. We are fascinated by our discoveries, & as we grow older, our fascination takes on a form of worship. We look deeply into the mirror & see only our body, the soul has been forgotten. We begin to identify with the bulb that carriers the light, instead of seeing ourselves as the light which the bulb is but a vehicle.
Inside, while in the embrace of the womb, we knew with certainty that we are more than physicality. We knew, long before our bodies were fully formed, that the body is but a shell, a temporary habitat for the soul.
The Empiricists did not have it quite right. The mind - psyche - soul is not “a blank sheet of paper upon which experience alone can subsequently write.” Rather, ‘essence precedes existence.’ Each person is born with a distinct soul. The soul is our higher self, the self of our potential and possibilities, the part of us that stands above ego, selfishness, aggression & resentment. Our soul is the one who observes life, the inner self that witnesses your life. The soul is the background of our being, the light that masters our thoughts, emotions & actions. And this soul, which is who we really are, is paradoxically a colored sheet of paper - an essence, upon which life’s experiences will write & can brighten. So who are we now? We are the space in which life experiences occur, we are the sum total of soul plus life experience.
The dilemma of death, & the age-old question of what becomes of us in that ‘final’ state, is almost superfluous, for we are a soul, & that soul is eternal. We are born with our unique & immortal soul, it is who we really are, & our souls live on forever. Throughout the journey of life, the essence of who we are, our soul, accumulates experiences; knowledge, feelings, relationships & all that made us uniquely individual. When a person’s body ceases to function, the loss is only of the physical vehicle. The corporeal entity which gave the soul the opportunity to materialize actions & accomplish physical deeds experiences a rearrangement of its elements. Yet, what lives on, as an individual, is our soul.
Death is a retransformation to the original state of soul, with a difference, however. The soul is now an individual person’s unique soul, replete with life experience, as distinct as the one who possessed it. The symphony of our life experiences is indelibly imprinted in our memory. This memory lives on as part of the collective memory of the omnipresence, in the spiritual state of Bina. Paradoxically, in this lofty condition, the individual soul continues to exist as both part of the whole, part of The Infinite, while maintaining its finitude & individuality. This contradiction violates our linear way of thinking, & seems to us illogical. Welcome to a universe of spirituality where anomaly is logical & parody reasonable.
It is empowering & true, that when we deeply desire a glimpse into that universe, we need only live life today in an integrated & harmonious way, & as such, experience the future within the present. We have the power to see a world bathed in the infinite, if we but expand our vision & cleanse the doors of our perception. To observe as a poet once did, “a world in a Grain of Sand / & a Heaven in a Wild Flower / Hold infinity in the palm of your hand / & eternity in an hour.”
G-d Bless.
J
Reaching a Deeper Understanding of Self
Who are we? & what constitutes our beingness?
This is the most essential of all existential issues. To begin to discover who we are let us start examining that which is the most apparent, & most manifest, our bodies. In truth, to many people the physical physic is a major component in their self evaluation & value. The better & more beautiful their bodies appear the more confident they are, & visa versa. But what is the body? In its widest definition the body can be viewed as a collection of cells working in harmony to form a larger unit we call body. Simply & candidly put; the body is nothing more than a grand total of some one hundred & fifty pounds of protoplasm that we see, feel, & touch, & maneuver to do as we desire.
But can this be the real you?
More pointedly, towards which body part can we point to & accurately say that if we lose that physical property we will become less of who we are now. Say a person loses a limb, a hand or foot for example does that person in any way become ‘less’ the person he was prior to the injury? Certainly not, so then, what is the real you? If you are not defined by your arms, legs, toes & fingers than why assume that you are the sum total of these individual fragments.
For argument’s sake, one can still insist that indeed we are the sum total of all the parts of the body. Individually the body is seen as an assemblage of loose parts but as one unit they become you & I. To counter this line of reasoning we need to contemplate the fact that the substance of every human being’s body, even a healthy & robust one, is continuously being replaced. At a sub-nuclear level the elements that make up our atoms, the quarks & gluons, are perpetually being annihilated & recreated, so we are in fact never the same body as even a moment ago. As odd as it may seem, ninety-eight percent of the atoms in your body were not there a year ago. Your skin, for instance is renewed every month, your stomach lining every four days, & the surface cells that actually contact food every five minutes.
Being that the body is ceaselessly being altered & remade it would seem odd to acquire a sense of identity & selfhood from that which wavers & is unstable, thus the body on its own is somewhat ruled out. The body is ephemeral by its very nature. Even the brain, the storage house of all experiences & knowledge is in a state of continued flux. As such, the challenge becomes to discover is that which is lasting, permanent, & unchangeable; that which exists as the background & also the thread that runs through all of life, & the ‘thing’ that experiences the various changes one encounters throughout life.
Additionally, from the fact that we can feel & are aware of body is the greatest confirmation that we are not body; that which can be felt is not the feeler as that which can be observed is not the observer. We cannot be that which we are conscious of. When observing some object or thinking of it, you cannot be that object as you are separate from it. If you think about your body it means that something separate from it is doing the thinking. So while we are not our bodies & it is merely a part of us, who are we?
In the quest for self-discovery the challenge becomes to locate & identify the experience’r & the feeler, & not the manifestations, as the experience or the feeling. And ‘what’ is that? The soul. Our soul, is the unchanging that registers the changing, the continuous that observes the discontinuous, the uninfluenced that informs the influenced. As the body’s cells are constantly being modified & changing so are our emotions, thoughts & feelings, but the you within us, the essential self remains the same. The I within is eternal. Everything else comes & goes, but our ‘I’, the feeling of being alive, when not identified or blended with anything such as body, thought, or feeling, is always the same, never shifting & never modified.
Soul is who we are; it is the part of us that is not temporal or spatial housed in a three dimensional reality, nor is it subjective or dependent of the externals. It is the deeper ‘I’ that is independent of environmental influence or physical identity. It is the internal I; the I that was there when you were young & said “I am young” the I that was there when you grew a bit older & said “I am middle aged” & the I that is there when you said “I am old.” The perennial I, the soul. The soul is the deeper inner Self which incorporates all levels of beingness, including the small surface I of selfhood. It is the ultimate of all reality & the true I of existence.
From times of antiquity man in his search for ‘self’, has come to describe that unchangeable divine property within in various names, ranging from the soul, the psyche, the light, anima, sarira, naf, to the more modern terms like, the force, our center or ground of being, life energy, yet, for the most part they describe or wish to describe the same underlying pulsating reality. The soul, as we tend to call it is a spiritual unique manifestation, with a distinct individual ‘personality,’ & it is through the lens of our ‘individuated’ soul energy that we come to experience life. The path toward self-actualization & fulfillment is found in this discovery; the unearthing & living in accordance to the ‘finite’ spark of the divine that is distinctly made present in our own lives. The fullness of the I of the world, the infinite is revealed beautifully in the individual finite I-ness of self.
Essentially, our soul is not something we possess but who we are. It does not belong to the person rather it is the person. The soul is the higher self. It is the self of our potential & possibility, the part of us that stands above ego, selfishness, aggression & resentment. The soul is the background of our being, the light that masters our thoughts, emotions & actions, & effectively the whole of life.
The soul is the observer of life, the essence deep within that views life & witnesses our life unfold. Certainly, the known cannot be the knower. If you know your thoughts then you cannot be your thoughts. If you know your passions, emotions, desires, you cannot be that either. An important medieval philosophical/ethical text, attributed to the twelve-century French Rabbi, Rabbeinu Tam, writes that the soul is the knower of the known. In other words, the soul is the small voice beyond the mind that tells the conscious mind to think, feel or act.
Anyone who has ever dabbled in meditative techniques or for that matter in the philosophy & mechanics of the mind knows that the mind appears to have a mind on its own, & there are levels beyond levels within the mind itself. When a person tells himself to think a particular thought it is one level of mind telling the more apparent level to think. And yet, having this awareness tells us that there is still a deeper level of mind that experiences this consciousness. This mental exercise can literally extend itself to no end, nonetheless, at its deepest, it is the essence of Self - the only I there really is who governs & instructs the I of small self.
Take a moment & try to be aware of the wall in front of you. Now, be aware of that level of mind that is aware of the wall. Then go a little further & try to be aware of that which is aware. You can apparently do this exercise infinitely until you reach a point where you realize that there is a part deep within that is, as some tend to call it, the absolute self, or the pure witness. This can never truly be grasped because it is what grasps. It can never truly be understood because it is the understander, it cannot be known on an intellectual level, for it is the knower of knowledge.
In it’s highest deepest & most pristine form the soul, the higher self is part of the divine I, part of the reality where the knower & the known are one of the same, as the Rambam - Maimonides ‘describes’ the Ultimate & Unconditional Beingness. It is part of a reality where the experience & the experiencer the observed & the observer are one & the same. Rooted in a ‘place’ beyond duality, polarity, separation or contextualization.
As the Creator who defies & transcends human logic, the soul as well being part & an individual expression of this truth embodies the paradoxical & its ‘entity’ is oxymoronic, at least to the human small mind constricted reality. The soul is both infinite & finite in its properties & expression. As challenging as it may be to intellectually grasp the soul is simply a finite sliver of the infinite, a holographic particle of infinitude. Perhaps this conception violates our way of thinking, & it does so because the brain is basically a binary instrument. For the brain it’s either up or down, left or right, 0 or 1, but never both at once, but this is only a limit to the physical brain which has difficulties navigating or interacting with a universe that allows for contradictory coexistence. On a simple level this means that though each soul is rooted & sourced in genuine oneness, nonetheless, as it emerges, while it still sparkles with infinitude it also becomes quite distinct, unique, & descends as the individual soul to embody one particular human form.
Pulsating within each of us is a Self that is uniquely us. Each person has distinctive unmatched & unparalleled characteristics of soul personality. In the afterlife, the celebrated Chassidic sage, R. Zusia of Anipoli said, I will not be asked “why were you not like Moses?’ rather, the question will be “why were you not like Zusia?” Why did you not reach your own full potential? No two people are alike spiritually, & as physical representation of the spirit even physically. Everyone, in his own way is exceptional and unique; each soul demands to be expressed & experienced differently. Every human being has a unique spiritual vocation to be fulfilled that only that person can fulfill it.
Our individual & particular way we experience life is a result of the individuality of our soul. Not only do we see the world around us through the lenses of our own distinct soul, but the world around us is also affected & influenced by the uniqueness of our soul. Whoever & whatever a person connects with emotionally or intellectually, physically or mentally he indelibly imprints his ‘personality’ of soul on those people & those events. Every relationship we entertain becomes colored & tainted - hopefully for the better with our personality & soul individuality.
Scientific exploration & advancement has come a long way. Today we have computers, which are essentially artificial intelligence that can solve mathematical riddles & win chess games against the best & brightest of human chess players. Yet for all that A.I. can do it still lacks a human soul. A self-enclosed machine lacks the ability to go outside itself & judge. A.I., can perhaps know how to react & what to do in a certain situations, but it will never know why it reacts this way & not in another way. It is deficient of what some philosophers call “qualia” incapable of having pleasure, desire, anxieties or hope. True, it can carry out brilliant arithmetic calculations & can play a wicked game of chess; still, while it plays does it know anything of playfulness? Does it get excited by wining or agitated when losing? Does it worry about its next move, or regret its previous ones?
Extending this idea a bit further we come to the realization that the various ‘things’ that make us human & demonstrate our humanity, primarily our emotions are experienced by each of us quite differently. No, it is wrong to assume that “all happy families are alike.” Happiness as sadness or for that matter the whole gamut of human emotions & feelings are unique, singular, & felt by each of us in our very own distinct way.
It should only be added, though at its core the soul is unchangeable & it is the element of permanence that runs through life, the manifestations of soul are certainly not static, stagnant, & non-fluid, & clearly they are not a ‘thing’, as in a noun. The more dense levels of soul, those aspects that are more present as everyday consciousness are continuously expanding via our life experiences. The more outer dimensionally related parts of soul are in a perpetual state of flux & growth.
True, what defines us is our soul, yet another valid truth is that we are a psychosomatic being, comprised of soul & body. Part of who we are is a reflection or a result of the body we possess. On some level, we are who we are because or despite the bodies we posses. Take for example short people; some short people tend to be more introverted & timid because of their physical contour, & some short people act quite the opposite, in despite, & ‘suffer’ from what is referred to as a Napoleon complex. Mentally, the shaping of ones’ internal personality maybe forged by physical appearance; heavy thin, tall short, black white. How they look, or perceive themselves to look affects the way they feel about themselves, for better & for worse.
In all honesty, whether our personality is a result or despite physical appearance & a facelift or the like will make us feel differently, or alternatively, our physical presentation is a manifestation of personality & on its deepest level a physical materialization of the soul, depends on us. It reflects whether we choose to live life from the inside-out or from the outside-in. People who live from the inside out, harmoniously, & in an integrated manner their physical form will be an accurate representation of their spiritual form, the body will reflect soul. By its very nature, the body is a physical representation of the inner pattern of the soul that animates it; the question is only, whether we live in concurrent to that level or not. When we do live from the inside-out & cultivates a healthy internal outlook the result may in fact be apparent on our physical posture.
All & all, the body is not a prison house for the soul. The body is not, by its created nature an alien abode that oppresses or stifles the spirit; rather “the bodies of the upright are holy.” The Creators infinite presence is to be found everywhere, from the sublime to the mundane, from the spiritual to the physical, even in a coarse matter such as corporal existence. The body is, at least in its natural & original form a physical expression of the spirit that animates it & gives it life.
Body & soul can & should be the best of friends. When the body & soul work in unison, when they are both engaged in positive acts & thoughts then the body can be a vehicle to experience freedom, when the converse occurs the body becomes a prison house, an unfriendly place instead of a friendly one.
Genuine integration & wholeness is achieved when we come to view, both the body & soul in the light of their respected purposes. Spiritual equilibrium is attained when there is harmony & symmetry between the various aspects of our personality; when the physical self/body expresses the spiritual self/ soul, & when the body is seen not as a hindrance or shackle biding the spirit, rather a vehicle for the most powerful of soul expression.
The self is a beautiful synthesis of body & soul, our ego & transcendence, the finite matter & the infinite spirit, the temporal material & the eternal spiritual, & a realized selfhood can only be complete when we are fully aligned & create a perfect harmony between all aspects of our selves, when we are fully present, & our I-ness is effusively lived on all levels of existence. When we do so, the ‘perfect self’ is expressed, & we become fully aware & realize how our I is one with the I of all reality & all existence.
G-d Bless.
J
This is the most essential of all existential issues. To begin to discover who we are let us start examining that which is the most apparent, & most manifest, our bodies. In truth, to many people the physical physic is a major component in their self evaluation & value. The better & more beautiful their bodies appear the more confident they are, & visa versa. But what is the body? In its widest definition the body can be viewed as a collection of cells working in harmony to form a larger unit we call body. Simply & candidly put; the body is nothing more than a grand total of some one hundred & fifty pounds of protoplasm that we see, feel, & touch, & maneuver to do as we desire.
But can this be the real you?
More pointedly, towards which body part can we point to & accurately say that if we lose that physical property we will become less of who we are now. Say a person loses a limb, a hand or foot for example does that person in any way become ‘less’ the person he was prior to the injury? Certainly not, so then, what is the real you? If you are not defined by your arms, legs, toes & fingers than why assume that you are the sum total of these individual fragments.
For argument’s sake, one can still insist that indeed we are the sum total of all the parts of the body. Individually the body is seen as an assemblage of loose parts but as one unit they become you & I. To counter this line of reasoning we need to contemplate the fact that the substance of every human being’s body, even a healthy & robust one, is continuously being replaced. At a sub-nuclear level the elements that make up our atoms, the quarks & gluons, are perpetually being annihilated & recreated, so we are in fact never the same body as even a moment ago. As odd as it may seem, ninety-eight percent of the atoms in your body were not there a year ago. Your skin, for instance is renewed every month, your stomach lining every four days, & the surface cells that actually contact food every five minutes.
Being that the body is ceaselessly being altered & remade it would seem odd to acquire a sense of identity & selfhood from that which wavers & is unstable, thus the body on its own is somewhat ruled out. The body is ephemeral by its very nature. Even the brain, the storage house of all experiences & knowledge is in a state of continued flux. As such, the challenge becomes to discover is that which is lasting, permanent, & unchangeable; that which exists as the background & also the thread that runs through all of life, & the ‘thing’ that experiences the various changes one encounters throughout life.
Additionally, from the fact that we can feel & are aware of body is the greatest confirmation that we are not body; that which can be felt is not the feeler as that which can be observed is not the observer. We cannot be that which we are conscious of. When observing some object or thinking of it, you cannot be that object as you are separate from it. If you think about your body it means that something separate from it is doing the thinking. So while we are not our bodies & it is merely a part of us, who are we?
In the quest for self-discovery the challenge becomes to locate & identify the experience’r & the feeler, & not the manifestations, as the experience or the feeling. And ‘what’ is that? The soul. Our soul, is the unchanging that registers the changing, the continuous that observes the discontinuous, the uninfluenced that informs the influenced. As the body’s cells are constantly being modified & changing so are our emotions, thoughts & feelings, but the you within us, the essential self remains the same. The I within is eternal. Everything else comes & goes, but our ‘I’, the feeling of being alive, when not identified or blended with anything such as body, thought, or feeling, is always the same, never shifting & never modified.
Soul is who we are; it is the part of us that is not temporal or spatial housed in a three dimensional reality, nor is it subjective or dependent of the externals. It is the deeper ‘I’ that is independent of environmental influence or physical identity. It is the internal I; the I that was there when you were young & said “I am young” the I that was there when you grew a bit older & said “I am middle aged” & the I that is there when you said “I am old.” The perennial I, the soul. The soul is the deeper inner Self which incorporates all levels of beingness, including the small surface I of selfhood. It is the ultimate of all reality & the true I of existence.
From times of antiquity man in his search for ‘self’, has come to describe that unchangeable divine property within in various names, ranging from the soul, the psyche, the light, anima, sarira, naf, to the more modern terms like, the force, our center or ground of being, life energy, yet, for the most part they describe or wish to describe the same underlying pulsating reality. The soul, as we tend to call it is a spiritual unique manifestation, with a distinct individual ‘personality,’ & it is through the lens of our ‘individuated’ soul energy that we come to experience life. The path toward self-actualization & fulfillment is found in this discovery; the unearthing & living in accordance to the ‘finite’ spark of the divine that is distinctly made present in our own lives. The fullness of the I of the world, the infinite is revealed beautifully in the individual finite I-ness of self.
Essentially, our soul is not something we possess but who we are. It does not belong to the person rather it is the person. The soul is the higher self. It is the self of our potential & possibility, the part of us that stands above ego, selfishness, aggression & resentment. The soul is the background of our being, the light that masters our thoughts, emotions & actions, & effectively the whole of life.
The soul is the observer of life, the essence deep within that views life & witnesses our life unfold. Certainly, the known cannot be the knower. If you know your thoughts then you cannot be your thoughts. If you know your passions, emotions, desires, you cannot be that either. An important medieval philosophical/ethical text, attributed to the twelve-century French Rabbi, Rabbeinu Tam, writes that the soul is the knower of the known. In other words, the soul is the small voice beyond the mind that tells the conscious mind to think, feel or act.
Anyone who has ever dabbled in meditative techniques or for that matter in the philosophy & mechanics of the mind knows that the mind appears to have a mind on its own, & there are levels beyond levels within the mind itself. When a person tells himself to think a particular thought it is one level of mind telling the more apparent level to think. And yet, having this awareness tells us that there is still a deeper level of mind that experiences this consciousness. This mental exercise can literally extend itself to no end, nonetheless, at its deepest, it is the essence of Self - the only I there really is who governs & instructs the I of small self.
Take a moment & try to be aware of the wall in front of you. Now, be aware of that level of mind that is aware of the wall. Then go a little further & try to be aware of that which is aware. You can apparently do this exercise infinitely until you reach a point where you realize that there is a part deep within that is, as some tend to call it, the absolute self, or the pure witness. This can never truly be grasped because it is what grasps. It can never truly be understood because it is the understander, it cannot be known on an intellectual level, for it is the knower of knowledge.
In it’s highest deepest & most pristine form the soul, the higher self is part of the divine I, part of the reality where the knower & the known are one of the same, as the Rambam - Maimonides ‘describes’ the Ultimate & Unconditional Beingness. It is part of a reality where the experience & the experiencer the observed & the observer are one & the same. Rooted in a ‘place’ beyond duality, polarity, separation or contextualization.
As the Creator who defies & transcends human logic, the soul as well being part & an individual expression of this truth embodies the paradoxical & its ‘entity’ is oxymoronic, at least to the human small mind constricted reality. The soul is both infinite & finite in its properties & expression. As challenging as it may be to intellectually grasp the soul is simply a finite sliver of the infinite, a holographic particle of infinitude. Perhaps this conception violates our way of thinking, & it does so because the brain is basically a binary instrument. For the brain it’s either up or down, left or right, 0 or 1, but never both at once, but this is only a limit to the physical brain which has difficulties navigating or interacting with a universe that allows for contradictory coexistence. On a simple level this means that though each soul is rooted & sourced in genuine oneness, nonetheless, as it emerges, while it still sparkles with infinitude it also becomes quite distinct, unique, & descends as the individual soul to embody one particular human form.
Pulsating within each of us is a Self that is uniquely us. Each person has distinctive unmatched & unparalleled characteristics of soul personality. In the afterlife, the celebrated Chassidic sage, R. Zusia of Anipoli said, I will not be asked “why were you not like Moses?’ rather, the question will be “why were you not like Zusia?” Why did you not reach your own full potential? No two people are alike spiritually, & as physical representation of the spirit even physically. Everyone, in his own way is exceptional and unique; each soul demands to be expressed & experienced differently. Every human being has a unique spiritual vocation to be fulfilled that only that person can fulfill it.
Our individual & particular way we experience life is a result of the individuality of our soul. Not only do we see the world around us through the lenses of our own distinct soul, but the world around us is also affected & influenced by the uniqueness of our soul. Whoever & whatever a person connects with emotionally or intellectually, physically or mentally he indelibly imprints his ‘personality’ of soul on those people & those events. Every relationship we entertain becomes colored & tainted - hopefully for the better with our personality & soul individuality.
Scientific exploration & advancement has come a long way. Today we have computers, which are essentially artificial intelligence that can solve mathematical riddles & win chess games against the best & brightest of human chess players. Yet for all that A.I. can do it still lacks a human soul. A self-enclosed machine lacks the ability to go outside itself & judge. A.I., can perhaps know how to react & what to do in a certain situations, but it will never know why it reacts this way & not in another way. It is deficient of what some philosophers call “qualia” incapable of having pleasure, desire, anxieties or hope. True, it can carry out brilliant arithmetic calculations & can play a wicked game of chess; still, while it plays does it know anything of playfulness? Does it get excited by wining or agitated when losing? Does it worry about its next move, or regret its previous ones?
Extending this idea a bit further we come to the realization that the various ‘things’ that make us human & demonstrate our humanity, primarily our emotions are experienced by each of us quite differently. No, it is wrong to assume that “all happy families are alike.” Happiness as sadness or for that matter the whole gamut of human emotions & feelings are unique, singular, & felt by each of us in our very own distinct way.
It should only be added, though at its core the soul is unchangeable & it is the element of permanence that runs through life, the manifestations of soul are certainly not static, stagnant, & non-fluid, & clearly they are not a ‘thing’, as in a noun. The more dense levels of soul, those aspects that are more present as everyday consciousness are continuously expanding via our life experiences. The more outer dimensionally related parts of soul are in a perpetual state of flux & growth.
True, what defines us is our soul, yet another valid truth is that we are a psychosomatic being, comprised of soul & body. Part of who we are is a reflection or a result of the body we possess. On some level, we are who we are because or despite the bodies we posses. Take for example short people; some short people tend to be more introverted & timid because of their physical contour, & some short people act quite the opposite, in despite, & ‘suffer’ from what is referred to as a Napoleon complex. Mentally, the shaping of ones’ internal personality maybe forged by physical appearance; heavy thin, tall short, black white. How they look, or perceive themselves to look affects the way they feel about themselves, for better & for worse.
In all honesty, whether our personality is a result or despite physical appearance & a facelift or the like will make us feel differently, or alternatively, our physical presentation is a manifestation of personality & on its deepest level a physical materialization of the soul, depends on us. It reflects whether we choose to live life from the inside-out or from the outside-in. People who live from the inside out, harmoniously, & in an integrated manner their physical form will be an accurate representation of their spiritual form, the body will reflect soul. By its very nature, the body is a physical representation of the inner pattern of the soul that animates it; the question is only, whether we live in concurrent to that level or not. When we do live from the inside-out & cultivates a healthy internal outlook the result may in fact be apparent on our physical posture.
All & all, the body is not a prison house for the soul. The body is not, by its created nature an alien abode that oppresses or stifles the spirit; rather “the bodies of the upright are holy.” The Creators infinite presence is to be found everywhere, from the sublime to the mundane, from the spiritual to the physical, even in a coarse matter such as corporal existence. The body is, at least in its natural & original form a physical expression of the spirit that animates it & gives it life.
Body & soul can & should be the best of friends. When the body & soul work in unison, when they are both engaged in positive acts & thoughts then the body can be a vehicle to experience freedom, when the converse occurs the body becomes a prison house, an unfriendly place instead of a friendly one.
Genuine integration & wholeness is achieved when we come to view, both the body & soul in the light of their respected purposes. Spiritual equilibrium is attained when there is harmony & symmetry between the various aspects of our personality; when the physical self/body expresses the spiritual self/ soul, & when the body is seen not as a hindrance or shackle biding the spirit, rather a vehicle for the most powerful of soul expression.
The self is a beautiful synthesis of body & soul, our ego & transcendence, the finite matter & the infinite spirit, the temporal material & the eternal spiritual, & a realized selfhood can only be complete when we are fully aligned & create a perfect harmony between all aspects of our selves, when we are fully present, & our I-ness is effusively lived on all levels of existence. When we do so, the ‘perfect self’ is expressed, & we become fully aware & realize how our I is one with the I of all reality & all existence.
G-d Bless.
J
Perfecting Silence in our noisy World
Every generation defines itself in its own particular way. People who belong to a specific generation express themselves in a distinctive form; whether it is the literature & philosophy it produces or the music it creates there is always distinctiveness. Understandably, social critics & historians have always found the need to label eras, periods & groups. The twentieth century that has elapsed has been called by various names, Aldous Huxley, writing in the Nineteen Forties referred to his century as the age of noise. “The radio”, he once wrote, “is nothing but a conduit through which pre-fabricated din can flow into our homes.” If the noise was an issue years back, today with the literal explosion of modern technology, CD’s, headphones, MP3 players, & what not, clearly the noise level has been upped a thousand degrees & the bombardment of noise has become drastically augmented.
Being so surrounded, invaded & inundated with external sounds & noise many have become so accustomed to that reality to the extent of feeling a peculiar emptiness when it is quiet. Imagine yourself walking into an upscale boutique & nothing is being played on the sound system, guaranteed you will feel an awkward eeriness.
When was the last time you took a long drive alone in your car & did not immediately flip on the music? Car manufactures today pride themselves by installing satellite radio systems so we can pick up thousands of stations as we drive. When it is quiet so many urgently sense the need to fill the empty airwaves with noise.
Noise is so much a part of our life that many have become depended on it for their wellbeing. So many derive their sense of being alive from sound, & they feel empty in silence. There is a need, & almost perverse compulsion to break any silence & talk, or perhaps sing.
Underlining this urgency for noise is their fear of being alone, as if it’s even a possibility. Simply, they are afraid to be alone with themselves & certainly scared to experience a genuine self-encounter. And so they fill the airwaves with sound, for it is sound that creates the illusion of company. Even speaking to themselves will do the trick, for when they are speaking there is the impression of a speaker & listener, & that the two are separate people conversing.
The dread of being alone & being alone with their own presence can be quite devastating. Sitting relaxing in a hot tub most people almost instinctively reach for a book or the paper. We live in a culture that compels us to relentlessly ‘do’ things. Even our leisure time and vocation needs to be filled with activity, we cannot rest without going crazy. For this reason there is a multi- billion dollar industry that helps us ‘do’ things & occupy our time while on holiday.
Hitbodedut is a classical Kabbalistic term for meditation. The Hebrew root of the word is badad literally meaning to be alone, to detach yourself from noise & be with your self. In the more advanced & prophetic moods of this form of meditation hitbodedut is to seclude, separate ‘intellectual everyday consciousness from imagination’ this is referred to as hitbodedut penimit - inner isolation, but what we are speaking of presently is hitbodedut chitzonit - outer isolation. This is the practice of being alone & simply being with your self.
To practice this discipline you do not need to run away to a mountain top or go hide in a cave, in fact this aloneness can be achieved even amongst other people.
Most often going inward in the midst of being in the company of others is unkindly, rude & altogether a mark of arrogance, but sometimes you may find yourself being obligated to go to a certain social setting or another event & feel extremely uncomfortable or self-conscious. Or worse, sometimes you may find yourself in a setting where you feel that the others are merely sucking up your energy, or even worse distributing negative energy, in such situations it maybe very helpful if you are able to mentally detach yourself, go inward, & feel at ease. To be alone with yourself, free of the external forced-upon influences.
Success breads success. The only way to become comfortable with silence, on all level of silence; from words or beyond words is by practicing & further practicing stints of silence. Do not begin with fantastic grand plans of taking a full month vow of silence rather begin with a firm commitment to practice silence for a half hour a day, & then grow on your success.
Ultimately, as you become more comfortable with yourself, & in silence, when you do need to speak & verbally communicate, which speech itself is another spiritually powerful tool, you will do so wisely, mindfully & with wisdom. The periods of silence will also allow you to gain hegemony of your speech so that your words are meaningful & vested with intention.
G-d Bless.
J
Being so surrounded, invaded & inundated with external sounds & noise many have become so accustomed to that reality to the extent of feeling a peculiar emptiness when it is quiet. Imagine yourself walking into an upscale boutique & nothing is being played on the sound system, guaranteed you will feel an awkward eeriness.
When was the last time you took a long drive alone in your car & did not immediately flip on the music? Car manufactures today pride themselves by installing satellite radio systems so we can pick up thousands of stations as we drive. When it is quiet so many urgently sense the need to fill the empty airwaves with noise.
Noise is so much a part of our life that many have become depended on it for their wellbeing. So many derive their sense of being alive from sound, & they feel empty in silence. There is a need, & almost perverse compulsion to break any silence & talk, or perhaps sing.
Underlining this urgency for noise is their fear of being alone, as if it’s even a possibility. Simply, they are afraid to be alone with themselves & certainly scared to experience a genuine self-encounter. And so they fill the airwaves with sound, for it is sound that creates the illusion of company. Even speaking to themselves will do the trick, for when they are speaking there is the impression of a speaker & listener, & that the two are separate people conversing.
The dread of being alone & being alone with their own presence can be quite devastating. Sitting relaxing in a hot tub most people almost instinctively reach for a book or the paper. We live in a culture that compels us to relentlessly ‘do’ things. Even our leisure time and vocation needs to be filled with activity, we cannot rest without going crazy. For this reason there is a multi- billion dollar industry that helps us ‘do’ things & occupy our time while on holiday.
Hitbodedut is a classical Kabbalistic term for meditation. The Hebrew root of the word is badad literally meaning to be alone, to detach yourself from noise & be with your self. In the more advanced & prophetic moods of this form of meditation hitbodedut is to seclude, separate ‘intellectual everyday consciousness from imagination’ this is referred to as hitbodedut penimit - inner isolation, but what we are speaking of presently is hitbodedut chitzonit - outer isolation. This is the practice of being alone & simply being with your self.
To practice this discipline you do not need to run away to a mountain top or go hide in a cave, in fact this aloneness can be achieved even amongst other people.
Most often going inward in the midst of being in the company of others is unkindly, rude & altogether a mark of arrogance, but sometimes you may find yourself being obligated to go to a certain social setting or another event & feel extremely uncomfortable or self-conscious. Or worse, sometimes you may find yourself in a setting where you feel that the others are merely sucking up your energy, or even worse distributing negative energy, in such situations it maybe very helpful if you are able to mentally detach yourself, go inward, & feel at ease. To be alone with yourself, free of the external forced-upon influences.
Success breads success. The only way to become comfortable with silence, on all level of silence; from words or beyond words is by practicing & further practicing stints of silence. Do not begin with fantastic grand plans of taking a full month vow of silence rather begin with a firm commitment to practice silence for a half hour a day, & then grow on your success.
Ultimately, as you become more comfortable with yourself, & in silence, when you do need to speak & verbally communicate, which speech itself is another spiritually powerful tool, you will do so wisely, mindfully & with wisdom. The periods of silence will also allow you to gain hegemony of your speech so that your words are meaningful & vested with intention.
G-d Bless.
J
Teshuvah/Return
To err is human, we all make mistakes. “There is no righteous person on this earth who does (only) good & does not err,” the wise King Shlomo wrote.
And yet despite the fallibility of human beings, as a tremendous kindness, G-d has given us teshuvah - a way of returning to G-d by acknowledging our errors & resolving not to repeat them. This is not only a way to repair our mistakes but perhaps even to alter the past. Without teshuvah, life would be quite hopeless. Without a means to unshackle ourselves from our negative past, we would be forever crushed by the burdens of our past errors.
Teshuvah is essential for creation; in fact teshuvah was fashioned before the actual creation, according to the Talmud (Pesachim 54a.) The Zohar writes that prior to creating this physical world, the Creator conceived the notion of teshuvah & said, “Soon, I am going to create mortal human beings, but I do so on one condition: when they, because of their iniquities, turn to you, you must be prepared to erase their faults.”
A world imbued with teshuvah is a world of optimism, life & genuine opportunity, for regardless of our current state, we have the power to reorient our life & leap over any obstacles generated by our past deeds. Teshuvah affords us the freedom to liberate ourselves from the past & begin anew, rejuvenated & revitalized.
Regret & Acceptance
Classic Torah commentaries contend that the principal ingredients of teshuvah are regret (charata) & acceptance (Kabbalah).
True regret requires recognition of the negative act & a firm resolution - made consciously & with a whole heart - not to repeat it.
But we know well that we tend to forget our resolutions. Indeed, forgetfulness is the root cause of transgression. Often, were it not for assistance from above to overcome our negative temptations, which are so good at causing memory lapses, we would not succeed, as the Talmud tells us (Kiddushin 30b). Therefore, it is essential to always keep in mind that we are sinners - & always close to falling into transgression - & that G-d alone constantly rescues us.
But how can we, realizing that our sin is so deeply ingrained, have true regret over the past? So, too, how can we resolve not to sin in the future, when our experience shows clearly that without G-d’s help, we will certainly lapse again?
In truth, remorse over the past indicates an acute awareness of our lowliness - an awareness which must be engraved in the heart. In fact, the Hebrew word charata, meaning “remorse” is related to charitah “engraving.” Once this awareness is so engraved, we stand a better chance of never again forgetting our history & slipping. This act of engraving, in turn, creates within our hearts a receptiveness to G-d’s mercies. Thus we can accept Kabbalah, G-d’s mercy, with an absolute trust that G-d will save us from the bitterness of our soul & strengthen us to choose wisely in the future.
Four types of Teshuvah: Jewish work of ethics speak of four categories of teshuvah
1. Teshuvat HaBa’ah-literally teshuvah “of what comes next” - this teshuvah that occurs when we refrain from repeating a transgression when we find ourselves in the same condition or environment that had engendered a previous misdeed.
2. Teshuvat HaGeder - literally teshuvah “of the fence” - in the process of doing teshuvah, we erect for ourselves additional barriers & restrictions so that we may not be tempted to transgress. We deny ourselves even things that are permitted to us so that we will not inadvertently step over the line & fall.
3. Teshuvat HaMishkol - literally teshuvah “of the measure” - this is penance commensurate to the transgression. We inflict discomfort on ourselves equivalent to the measure of pleasure we had enjoyed from committing the transgression.
4. Teshuvat HaKatuv - literally teshuvah “of what is written” - we accept upon ourselves the equivalent of the Divine judgment as written & detailed in the Torah.
Teshuvah does not necessitate depriving or neglecting the body, according to the Baal Shem Tov - on the contrary, “a small hole in the body is a colossal cavity in the soul.” There are countless other means to refine ourselves such as giving charity or studying Torah. And an even better way is to transform the body so that whatever part of the body one used to commit an offense - a mouth to speak gossip or lie, a hand to strike someone - is re-energized to do good - a mouth to speak words of Torah, a hand to give to charity.
Verbal Confession
In addition to regretting past deeds & resolving to do better in the future, most commentators include confession (viddui) as another integral component of teshuvah.
Teshuvah is not complete until we articulate what went wrong in the past as well as verbally commit to change in the future. Why is this? Why do we need confession? Why is verbalization so integral to the process?
There are many reasons, but the ones we will explore are related to the Yom Kippur service, where we confess our sins a number of times. On the most basic level, speaking gives voice to our thoughts, thus making them clearer, crystallized & structured. By articulating our thoughts, we unveil a deeper understanding of the matter at hand. Thoughts, as they exist in the mind, can remain elusive & unstructured. However, when these same thoughts “descend” into articulated language, they become comprehensible & coherent.
What’s more, not only do thoughts become clearer & more comprehensive when spoken aloud, they also become more of a reality. Words create our reality. When something is verbalized it seems to us all the more real.
Verbalization of teshuvah works the same way. Until our thoughts of teshuvah that germinate in the mind are verbalized, they remain elusive & vague. Through speaking about it & concretizing our repentance, our regret & resolve become all the stronger. Speaking endows the thoughts of change with a tangible reality, & the thoughts then attain permanence.
Additionally, “voice arouses intention,” which is a principle regarding the verbalization of all prayers & the reason why prayer is spoken & not left in the mind. It is through the verbalization of teshuvah that our inner feelings of wanting to return to G-d are revealed. The more we speak about a feeling of the heart, the more augmented & real the feeling becomes, & our teshuvah becomes more intense. What’s more, even if we had not yet resolved to undertake the journey to transform, our speaking about it will eventually bring us to do it.
Yom Kippur: A day of teshuvah
Yom Kippur was chosen as a day of teshuvah because it was the original day of forgiveness at the time of the birth of the Jewish nation.
A mere six weeks following the monumental encounter with G-d at Sinai, when the absolute oneness of the Creator was clear to the Israelites, they danced around the golden calf & proclaimed, “This is the G-d that took us out of Egypt.” Forty days of prayers elicited for them forgiveness, & then Moshe went up the mountain again for forty days, & when he descended this time, with the second set of tablets, he found a people eagerly awaiting his return & the Torah he was bringing.
That day was the tenth day of the seventh month of Tishrei, the day to be designated by the Torah as Yom Kippur.
Yom Kippur became the one day of the year that embodies the concept of teshuvah most intensely. In the words of the Rambam - Maimonides: “Though teshuvah is appropriate at all times of the year, during the ten days between Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur it is more appropriate, & it is accepted immediately. Yom Kippur itself is a time of teshuvah for all, & it is a cessation of forgiveness & absolution for the people of Israel.” (Hilchos Teshuvah 2: 6-7)
Day of Atonement
“The essence of the day of Yom Kippur brings atonement,” the Talmud declares (Yuma). The day of Yom Kippur calls forth sublime measures of holiness, which are able to eclipse & eliminate all transgressions. Although the Talmudic sages wage a debate - as to whether or not the day itself absolves us even when we don’t do teshuvah - all opinions are in agreement that the essence of the day itself brings atonement. The debate is limited to the question whether the individual must set in motion this process through active participation by doing teshuvah, or if the day atones through mere passive participation by desiring teshuvah. What sense would it make to forgive an individual who makes no effort & does not even desire forgiveness?
Therefore, the bare minimum is needed - that is, we must be at least passively accepting of forgiveness, & we must not interfere with the healing power of Yom Kippur. But, in order to achieve a complete & total teshuvah, we need to partake fully in the teshuvah process. Genuine teshuvah is attained when we can fuse the inspiration from above with the perspiration from below - when the lofty levels that are revealed from on high permeate & lodge deeply into our consciousness, becoming part of our every day reality.
Shabbat Shabbaton
Yom Kippur includes both these aspects:
1. It is a time when “the essence of the day brings atonement” as a revelation of unconditional love from above
2. It is a time when we have reached the full potential of our own activities, beginning with the introspection during the month of Elul, & culminating with the end of the “ten days of awe.”
These two complimentary ideas are alluded to in the two verses in the Torah which mention Yom Kippur as a day that is a Shabbat Shabbaton - a Shabbat of total rest:
1. Shabbat Shabbaton he lachem (Leviticus 16:31), which means “A total day of rest it (literally she) will be to you”
2. Shabbat Shabbaton hu lachem (Leviticus 23:32), which means “A total day of rest it (literally he) will be to you”
Why twice - the first in feminine form, the second in masculine? The feminine represents the receiver, reflecting the one who is passively receiving revelation from above. The masculine represents a proactive stance. On Yom Kippur there is a melding of the two, beyond duality, beyond separation.
A day of transcendence/A time of immanence
On Yom Kippur, we aspire to operate on a level of transcendence, striving to mimic angelic behavior. Yom Kippur is a day of rest from normative bodily necessities. The restrictions of the day are not meant to bring suffering to the body (if inflicting pain was the intention there would be many much more effective ways of doing so), rather, the focus here is to cease operating in the normative physical sphere & ascend to function angelically. It is a day dedicated to the achievement of transcendence of the physical, as well as a transcendence of all negativity & transgression.
While every other day of the year we may struggle with our own inner Satan, on Yom Kippur, we experience a transcendence of all negativity & deprecation. The Hebrew word for Satan, ha’satan, which describes confining ego-consciousness, has the numerical value of 364. From this we learn that on 364 of 365 days of the year, we may struggle with our ego-oriented self, but on one day - Yom Kippur - we are given the power to completely transcend these limitations & be angelic.
There is a total materialistic transcendence, a “rest” from all things physical as we become angelic. We rest from all physical activities, such as eating, drinking, marital relationships, even from walking/movement, represented by the prohibition against wearing leather shoes. Many have the custom to stand as much as possible during the prayers, also to mimic angelic activity. Just as angels are peaceful towards each other, we too, ask forgiveness from one another. During the course of the prayers, a white robe (kittel) & white prayer shawl (talit) are worn in imitation of angels who “wear” pure white.
On Yom Kippur we recite loudly the Baruch Shem prayer, “Blessed be the name of His glorious kingdom forever & ever,” since Moshe heard this verse of praise from the angels on high & later taught it to the nation of Israel.
And yet, the point of elevation of Yom Kippur is in the downward return, when we are able to bring the inspiration from above into our day-to-day lives here below.
On Yom Kippur, we are advised to remind oneself of the sons of Aharon who died on this day “when they approached G-d.” According to mystical thought, they transcended in spiritual ecstasy, in a state of “withdrawal without return.” So deep was their sense of transcendence, they were not able to return & so they died. By recalling their deaths, we are reminded that the most important part of the transcendent experience of Yom Kippur is drawing the inspiration down into our everyday reality. To experience a ratzu, an urge & deep will, to transcend & be angelic, together with shuve, the capacity to return.
G-d Bless.
J
And yet despite the fallibility of human beings, as a tremendous kindness, G-d has given us teshuvah - a way of returning to G-d by acknowledging our errors & resolving not to repeat them. This is not only a way to repair our mistakes but perhaps even to alter the past. Without teshuvah, life would be quite hopeless. Without a means to unshackle ourselves from our negative past, we would be forever crushed by the burdens of our past errors.
Teshuvah is essential for creation; in fact teshuvah was fashioned before the actual creation, according to the Talmud (Pesachim 54a.) The Zohar writes that prior to creating this physical world, the Creator conceived the notion of teshuvah & said, “Soon, I am going to create mortal human beings, but I do so on one condition: when they, because of their iniquities, turn to you, you must be prepared to erase their faults.”
A world imbued with teshuvah is a world of optimism, life & genuine opportunity, for regardless of our current state, we have the power to reorient our life & leap over any obstacles generated by our past deeds. Teshuvah affords us the freedom to liberate ourselves from the past & begin anew, rejuvenated & revitalized.
Regret & Acceptance
Classic Torah commentaries contend that the principal ingredients of teshuvah are regret (charata) & acceptance (Kabbalah).
True regret requires recognition of the negative act & a firm resolution - made consciously & with a whole heart - not to repeat it.
But we know well that we tend to forget our resolutions. Indeed, forgetfulness is the root cause of transgression. Often, were it not for assistance from above to overcome our negative temptations, which are so good at causing memory lapses, we would not succeed, as the Talmud tells us (Kiddushin 30b). Therefore, it is essential to always keep in mind that we are sinners - & always close to falling into transgression - & that G-d alone constantly rescues us.
But how can we, realizing that our sin is so deeply ingrained, have true regret over the past? So, too, how can we resolve not to sin in the future, when our experience shows clearly that without G-d’s help, we will certainly lapse again?
In truth, remorse over the past indicates an acute awareness of our lowliness - an awareness which must be engraved in the heart. In fact, the Hebrew word charata, meaning “remorse” is related to charitah “engraving.” Once this awareness is so engraved, we stand a better chance of never again forgetting our history & slipping. This act of engraving, in turn, creates within our hearts a receptiveness to G-d’s mercies. Thus we can accept Kabbalah, G-d’s mercy, with an absolute trust that G-d will save us from the bitterness of our soul & strengthen us to choose wisely in the future.
Four types of Teshuvah: Jewish work of ethics speak of four categories of teshuvah
1. Teshuvat HaBa’ah-literally teshuvah “of what comes next” - this teshuvah that occurs when we refrain from repeating a transgression when we find ourselves in the same condition or environment that had engendered a previous misdeed.
2. Teshuvat HaGeder - literally teshuvah “of the fence” - in the process of doing teshuvah, we erect for ourselves additional barriers & restrictions so that we may not be tempted to transgress. We deny ourselves even things that are permitted to us so that we will not inadvertently step over the line & fall.
3. Teshuvat HaMishkol - literally teshuvah “of the measure” - this is penance commensurate to the transgression. We inflict discomfort on ourselves equivalent to the measure of pleasure we had enjoyed from committing the transgression.
4. Teshuvat HaKatuv - literally teshuvah “of what is written” - we accept upon ourselves the equivalent of the Divine judgment as written & detailed in the Torah.
Teshuvah does not necessitate depriving or neglecting the body, according to the Baal Shem Tov - on the contrary, “a small hole in the body is a colossal cavity in the soul.” There are countless other means to refine ourselves such as giving charity or studying Torah. And an even better way is to transform the body so that whatever part of the body one used to commit an offense - a mouth to speak gossip or lie, a hand to strike someone - is re-energized to do good - a mouth to speak words of Torah, a hand to give to charity.
Verbal Confession
In addition to regretting past deeds & resolving to do better in the future, most commentators include confession (viddui) as another integral component of teshuvah.
Teshuvah is not complete until we articulate what went wrong in the past as well as verbally commit to change in the future. Why is this? Why do we need confession? Why is verbalization so integral to the process?
There are many reasons, but the ones we will explore are related to the Yom Kippur service, where we confess our sins a number of times. On the most basic level, speaking gives voice to our thoughts, thus making them clearer, crystallized & structured. By articulating our thoughts, we unveil a deeper understanding of the matter at hand. Thoughts, as they exist in the mind, can remain elusive & unstructured. However, when these same thoughts “descend” into articulated language, they become comprehensible & coherent.
What’s more, not only do thoughts become clearer & more comprehensive when spoken aloud, they also become more of a reality. Words create our reality. When something is verbalized it seems to us all the more real.
Verbalization of teshuvah works the same way. Until our thoughts of teshuvah that germinate in the mind are verbalized, they remain elusive & vague. Through speaking about it & concretizing our repentance, our regret & resolve become all the stronger. Speaking endows the thoughts of change with a tangible reality, & the thoughts then attain permanence.
Additionally, “voice arouses intention,” which is a principle regarding the verbalization of all prayers & the reason why prayer is spoken & not left in the mind. It is through the verbalization of teshuvah that our inner feelings of wanting to return to G-d are revealed. The more we speak about a feeling of the heart, the more augmented & real the feeling becomes, & our teshuvah becomes more intense. What’s more, even if we had not yet resolved to undertake the journey to transform, our speaking about it will eventually bring us to do it.
Yom Kippur: A day of teshuvah
Yom Kippur was chosen as a day of teshuvah because it was the original day of forgiveness at the time of the birth of the Jewish nation.
A mere six weeks following the monumental encounter with G-d at Sinai, when the absolute oneness of the Creator was clear to the Israelites, they danced around the golden calf & proclaimed, “This is the G-d that took us out of Egypt.” Forty days of prayers elicited for them forgiveness, & then Moshe went up the mountain again for forty days, & when he descended this time, with the second set of tablets, he found a people eagerly awaiting his return & the Torah he was bringing.
That day was the tenth day of the seventh month of Tishrei, the day to be designated by the Torah as Yom Kippur.
Yom Kippur became the one day of the year that embodies the concept of teshuvah most intensely. In the words of the Rambam - Maimonides: “Though teshuvah is appropriate at all times of the year, during the ten days between Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur it is more appropriate, & it is accepted immediately. Yom Kippur itself is a time of teshuvah for all, & it is a cessation of forgiveness & absolution for the people of Israel.” (Hilchos Teshuvah 2: 6-7)
Day of Atonement
“The essence of the day of Yom Kippur brings atonement,” the Talmud declares (Yuma). The day of Yom Kippur calls forth sublime measures of holiness, which are able to eclipse & eliminate all transgressions. Although the Talmudic sages wage a debate - as to whether or not the day itself absolves us even when we don’t do teshuvah - all opinions are in agreement that the essence of the day itself brings atonement. The debate is limited to the question whether the individual must set in motion this process through active participation by doing teshuvah, or if the day atones through mere passive participation by desiring teshuvah. What sense would it make to forgive an individual who makes no effort & does not even desire forgiveness?
Therefore, the bare minimum is needed - that is, we must be at least passively accepting of forgiveness, & we must not interfere with the healing power of Yom Kippur. But, in order to achieve a complete & total teshuvah, we need to partake fully in the teshuvah process. Genuine teshuvah is attained when we can fuse the inspiration from above with the perspiration from below - when the lofty levels that are revealed from on high permeate & lodge deeply into our consciousness, becoming part of our every day reality.
Shabbat Shabbaton
Yom Kippur includes both these aspects:
1. It is a time when “the essence of the day brings atonement” as a revelation of unconditional love from above
2. It is a time when we have reached the full potential of our own activities, beginning with the introspection during the month of Elul, & culminating with the end of the “ten days of awe.”
These two complimentary ideas are alluded to in the two verses in the Torah which mention Yom Kippur as a day that is a Shabbat Shabbaton - a Shabbat of total rest:
1. Shabbat Shabbaton he lachem (Leviticus 16:31), which means “A total day of rest it (literally she) will be to you”
2. Shabbat Shabbaton hu lachem (Leviticus 23:32), which means “A total day of rest it (literally he) will be to you”
Why twice - the first in feminine form, the second in masculine? The feminine represents the receiver, reflecting the one who is passively receiving revelation from above. The masculine represents a proactive stance. On Yom Kippur there is a melding of the two, beyond duality, beyond separation.
A day of transcendence/A time of immanence
On Yom Kippur, we aspire to operate on a level of transcendence, striving to mimic angelic behavior. Yom Kippur is a day of rest from normative bodily necessities. The restrictions of the day are not meant to bring suffering to the body (if inflicting pain was the intention there would be many much more effective ways of doing so), rather, the focus here is to cease operating in the normative physical sphere & ascend to function angelically. It is a day dedicated to the achievement of transcendence of the physical, as well as a transcendence of all negativity & transgression.
While every other day of the year we may struggle with our own inner Satan, on Yom Kippur, we experience a transcendence of all negativity & deprecation. The Hebrew word for Satan, ha’satan, which describes confining ego-consciousness, has the numerical value of 364. From this we learn that on 364 of 365 days of the year, we may struggle with our ego-oriented self, but on one day - Yom Kippur - we are given the power to completely transcend these limitations & be angelic.
There is a total materialistic transcendence, a “rest” from all things physical as we become angelic. We rest from all physical activities, such as eating, drinking, marital relationships, even from walking/movement, represented by the prohibition against wearing leather shoes. Many have the custom to stand as much as possible during the prayers, also to mimic angelic activity. Just as angels are peaceful towards each other, we too, ask forgiveness from one another. During the course of the prayers, a white robe (kittel) & white prayer shawl (talit) are worn in imitation of angels who “wear” pure white.
On Yom Kippur we recite loudly the Baruch Shem prayer, “Blessed be the name of His glorious kingdom forever & ever,” since Moshe heard this verse of praise from the angels on high & later taught it to the nation of Israel.
And yet, the point of elevation of Yom Kippur is in the downward return, when we are able to bring the inspiration from above into our day-to-day lives here below.
On Yom Kippur, we are advised to remind oneself of the sons of Aharon who died on this day “when they approached G-d.” According to mystical thought, they transcended in spiritual ecstasy, in a state of “withdrawal without return.” So deep was their sense of transcendence, they were not able to return & so they died. By recalling their deaths, we are reminded that the most important part of the transcendent experience of Yom Kippur is drawing the inspiration down into our everyday reality. To experience a ratzu, an urge & deep will, to transcend & be angelic, together with shuve, the capacity to return.
G-d Bless.
J
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