Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The thoughts of A Nomad Soul

Each one of us is on a journey; each one of us has a history, from our birth to the time when our life ends. The distance between those two points in time is our journey. These are reflections of part of my journey. A journey that might be different from yours, but I am sure you might find that there are places where you can relate.

In a sense, even though we might not realize it, we are all traveling on two journeys. There is the one which is visible, that which we can see with our eyes, the places that pass us by, the events like births, graduations, weddings, relationships, breakups, jobs, careers & much more. Then there is the journey within, the real essence of our lives. The journey into inner space, into our heart & soul, into who we really are, what makes us run this race called life, what motivates our actions or inaction's. This journey is the more important of the two, since it determines our outer journey. My thoughts in these pages reflect not only the physical Africa, but the effects that Africa had on my soul.

Call it awareness; call it being in touch, a sense of destiny, sensitivity to divinity, to inner leading and directions. My journey has been filled with both. There have been times when I have ignored that inner sense & just gone with that which is visible to the eye, only to find that I did not find the joy in my journey. Whereas, when I go on the inner path, I find that the sense of joy that permeates all of me & is visible to those around me. The motivation for life, the will to keep on going, the desire to discover new things is not an extrinsic motivation but comes from deep within.

Africa is the place where I experience what I call, some real "finding times". A place where I found that inner sense, my home, my place of discovery, celebrating each day like it was the only one.

The journey has brought me to where I am at this moment in time. I do not know what my future holds, but I can say this. "I do know who holds my future." It does not matter where my feet have been, but in which direction they are headed.

I once took a journey on an old boat down the Crocodile River. I drifted lazily along, only allowing the current to direct me. It was a wonderful feeling in the warm African sun. Yet at times I needed to use the oars to keep me headed in the right direction. I find the same in my life. There are times when I need to make some adjustments in my journey using the tools, the ores that have been given to me, to keep me headed in the right direction.

Knowing that sooner or later, I will be heading home. An inner confidence, that my life does have a sense of purpose, of direction & of leading. The river of life has kept me within its channels, & all that I have experienced has been for the good of things, for in & outworking of simply who I am. I somehow sense that the best is yet to come.

I hope that you enjoy these pages; the reflections & discoveries of my journey & may they inspire you on yours.

The my inner journey, the care of the soul has been something I have always pursued even though at times I took some short-cuts or detours, My ideas as to how we human beings are empowered, how life is really sustained beyond mere existence & how we can be in tune with ourselves & the world in which we live have changed a lot. I find that it always comes down to living from my center, living from within, appreciating each moment, drinking it all in & experiencing life with all of its flavors. Finding joy & not just seeking happiness, call it "living with passion."

On a hike one day; as I crossed a river, I stood on a bridge looking into the ravine below. I saw a leaf go by tumbling over logs & some rocks. I thought that was just like my life had been, Overcoming the obstacles with sheer will power, blood, sweat & tears. I also remembered the words of an old man who was blind, sitting on the streets of Maputo, Mozambique, who when I leaned over to money in his cup, took my hand & said: "The difficulties in your life will form something different in you. Drink deep from the cup that has been placed on your lips, drink the cup of suffering so that you may go on & be healed." I had forgotten those words until recently.

I turned & followed the leaf as it made its way to the lake & thought of the river & how it merged with the lake. I saw it lose its color & blend with the vast gray of the Lake. I thought of myself; my way, my will & how I had connected & flowed into something larger than myself. A realization that there were other realms, dimensions. That there was something greater than my little world & I could be & wanted to be part of it. I have always been part of it; but now I wanted to be one with it.

I usually see concepts in pictures, images that flow to me & make things real as to my own life & how to walk the path that is meant for me.

As I was hiking through the hills I came across a stream that I followed which led me to a clearing which turned out to be a swamp type area. I looked around & saw that the Fever trees were losing their color & life. I saw water surrounding them; stagnant water. There was no flow of life, only murky water. I looked up & saw an inflow of the stream & then I saw the reason for the swamp. It turned out the outflow had been blocked by debris forming a dam.

The light came on in my head & a realization that I had become like that swamp, that I had an inflow but no outflow. It was there that I made the commitment to use what had been given to me. To harmonize my life along the lines of my gifts & talents & not to fit into some mold of other people's expectations, being true to the life & light within.

I miss the relational aspects of life. I do miss sitting with people in the evenings at their homes & talking about life, about the past, present & future; but, I would miss the sounds of drums drifting through the thick, humid night air. The sounds of raindrops, pounding down, the crack of thunder as it strikes the great lakes. I will miss sitting with village elders & drinking some home-brew out of a common pot with a long, wooden straw & sharing one's journey. It is here where I have truly learned to enjoy the moment.

I was sitting outside my tent one day & was having coffee & cookies. I dropped one of the cookies, or a portion thereof. For the next two hours I sat there under the tent awning & watched a trail of ants carry away the cookie, crumb by crumb.

An African guard that is traveling with me came by & laughed & said, Muzungu (white man), you are becoming a Mudagavu (African) you are enjoying the small things in life. This really made me smile.

Patience in our journey, watching things unfold, allowing them to be birthed naturally instead of doing a caesarian operation in my own strength. Allowing the life force within to lead me through dreams & visions, images that come to me as I quiet my heart & soul.
I am going to allow what I have learned here to be replicated wherever I go. To be relational rather than task orientated. To work with people instead of through people. To share what has been given. To be replenished daily through a quiet waiting. To embrace the moment to live life in the spirit of what the Jews call "La Chaim." To look at the past & say what Edith Piaf, the sparrow of French Music used to sing (Je ne regrette rien) I have nothing to regret.

The sad thing I find is that most people live on a different plane. They do not understand the path of the soul. There is no care of the soul. Life is repetitions of getting up, going to work, going to bed.

The wonderful thing is that there is so much more. Our Philosophy of life needs to go through a paradigm shift. A shift away from task orientation. Away from more is better, away running the race of life without purpose to the place where we can enjoy who we are, what is around us, to eat the ice-cream cone with the gusto of a little child, of being childlike without being childish.

In my own life that place came as I hit a wall, some might call it a dark night of the soul, others an inner awakening, the result has been a release of life within, being able to savor the little things in life & in a sense, to dance as Zorba the Greek with a sense of abandonment.

Lacheim is my inner call, the Hebrew word calling one to life. In Swahili they say “Kabissa”, meaning complete, & though I am far from it, the journey is on. Enjoy my African journey as you continue to read these pages of mine...

You either love Africa or you hate it, I happen to love Africa. My first love will always be Africa no matter where my feet may land.

People always ask me how one can be of help to the children of Africa ... one way is to come & see, the other is to support a child in Africa that helps to educate them out of poverty into a life where there is a sense of a meaningful life...

Inside the great mystery that is, we don't really own anything. What is this competition we feel then, before we go, one at a time, through the same age?
If you have opened your loving to G-d's love, you are helping people you don't know & have never seen.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The “Tipper” Miracles: Part Two: The Average Tipper

Continuing the topic from the last blog, we will now move on to what I call the average tippers. Most of the people reading this are most likely in this category. Even though they tend to be the least memorable of the three, these were the people that provided most of my money. These people allowed me to support myself. Humans always seem to search for things that are out of the ordinary. Maybe this is why we barely take notice of the things or people that seem common place. It’s very unfortunate, to be honest, because this applies to the “everyday” miracles as well. We all have our routines. We all have places to go, people to deal with, and things to take care of. So much passes us by without us even noticing, including everyday miracles.

Before I can get into what we are missing, I think we each need to decide what we personally feel the definition of a miracle is. When I was taking college courses, I had an art teacher that assigned us a paper. In order to get the information for this paper, we had to go out on campus and interview several random people that we didn’t know with one single question... “What is art?” He assigned this to show us that much like beauty, art is in the eye of the beholder.
There were some people who believed like me; art was everywhere and in everything. A building, a car, and even a fork...these all began from the creativity of someone. Many believed nature itself to be art as well. The artist differed from person to person depending on their beliefs, but nonetheless, it was all a beautiful canvas to them.
There were some who were more limited in their responses; paintings, music, some things that were designed, but nothing nature. That isn’t art...that just is.
There were other people who were extremely limited (and quite honestly I felt a little bad for). They felt that art was strictly limited to sculpture, paintings, and so forth. Nothing outside of the “idealistic” art world could possibly qualify as art.

In this paper I learned of the ways people see things. It’s not a matter of what is correct or incorrect, it was about personal perception. Different people interpret different things in different ways. I have stood before a painting with another person, and after studying it, we both explained what we felt the artist was trying to portray. More often than not, the interpretations were different. Even with the blogs that you all read and comment on; I will read and hear how you interpret them and what they said to you and sometimes it is very different from what I had in mind. Interesting isn’t it? It doesn’t mean that one of us looked at the painting incorrectly or that any of you are reading the blogs wrong; it means that these things speak to you in very different ways. And the same goes for miracles. So I will ask you to pause for a moment and consider this question, what do you define as a miracle? There is no right or wrong answer in this. My personal definition is that just about anything can be a miracle. Most people see miracles as these huge incredible things where people are allowed to defy death or a message or face appears on a sacred place or something. (The “In Your Face” miracles. But we will get into that in part three.) But what about when you are driving to work and you just happen to have timed it right so that you were able to hit your breaks when someone turned in front of you. What about when you were having a bad day and some random person went by and said hello and smiled at you, actually making you feel a tiny bit lighter? What about those “good days” as we call them, when everything seems to line right up for us? What about when you have to go buy something and you were pleasantly surprised at the register to find out someone forgot to post a price and it’s much cheaper than you thought?

I know that there could very well be readers sitting there saying, “No...those are coincidence. Not miracles.” But, in my opinion, coincidences and miracles go hand in hand. Using art for an example again, you will sometimes see sculptures that look like a pile of scrap metal or a tower of sponges in a museum. The most common response I hear from people looking at art like that is “You call this art? I can do that!” There was a piece that I was studying that would cause this reaction from a lot of people. To the unknowing eye, it was a collection of weird random things that had nothing to do with anything. But when you started to read the title and hear the story behind it, you discover that the artist was using symbolism to capture his thoughts and feelings on September 11th . You suddenly see things that represented planes, the twin towers, heroes, hate, and the US...the list goes on and on. It was actually very beautifully done and very moving.

I believe G-d reveals Himself to us in countless ways. Sometimes it’s an incredible miracle that people will talk and write about for years. Sometimes it’s something small and simple that is almost like a whisper saying, “I am here.” When you wake in the morning, try and look around you and see the simple common things. These things that are everyday miracles that a lot of the time go unnoticed or are easily forgotten. When you really begin to see them, if you are anything, like me, you will just smile and know that G-d just lovingly whispered in your ear, “I am here.”

I am going to include a song with this blog. A very good one that talks about the little things in life. And also over coming when they go wrong. The artist is Rob Thomas and the song is called Little Wonders. I was reading one day and he said he had been struggling to come up with the lyrics for this song and then one day he was walking his dog and as he was absent mindedly wanderin, he felt a tug on the leash and turned and saw his dog standing with his head up and his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of the breeze. That's when it hit him, it's the little things in life and that when he came up with Little Wonders.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsT2URr1Igc

G-d Bless.

K

To be continued...The “Tipper” Miracles: Part Three: The Incredible Tippers.

Monday, August 16, 2010

The “Tipper” Miracles: Part One: The Horrible Tippers

I don’t know about all of you, but I have worked a few different kinds of jobs through my life. The job I want to talk about right now is when I used to be a waitress. Where I come from, the hourly pay for a waitress is extremely minimal. My tips were what mainly paid my bills. When it comes to tipping, there are three types of people. First, the horrible tippers: these are the people that (constantly, not occasionally because of bad service) leave very little or even no tip at all. Second, the average tippers: this is the category that most people lie in and these are the people that tip decently. Not too much, not too little...the perfect amount. Third, the incredible tippers: these are the people that go above average and leave you a tip that makes you feeling like the night will actually be well worth it. Something that I realized a few years into my time of waiting tables was that as a waitress or waiter, you always remember the horrible tippers and the incredible tippers, but you don’t really take note of the average tippers. Oh yeah...I am going somewhere with this...just wait. I remember at the last place that I waited tables; there was a couple (even after about 5 or 6 years I still remember them) that would come in with their three kids. They would always receive good service, and all the wait staff had at some point taken care of them, and they never ever left a tip of any kind. So when we all noticed a pattern and realized they were horrible tippers, we would groan when they were seated in our section. Another one I remember was a man that would come in with all kinds of different people. Sometimes he would be with a large group, sometimes a small one, but this guy always stood out to us. Why you may ask. Because no matter how much was left for us on the table or what the bill total was, he would take a ten dollar bill and fold it into a ring and playfully put it on the finger of whoever was waiting on him that day. OK...the ring part made him stand out in our minds as well but whenever he would wave you over, you knew you were able to get ten extra dollars on top of whatever you just worked for and that is a great feeling. Sadly, aside from my regulars that always asked for me as their server, I can’t at all tell you any stories about the average tippers that came our way.
Along with the category of tipper, comes a certain attitude in the waiter/waitress. You see the horrible tippers, you will still do your job as you are supposed to, but you are less compelled to go above and beyond because you know that no matter what, they aren’t going to make it worth your while. When the incredible tippers come your way, you are huge smiles, tons of jokes, those water glasses never go empty, and their dirty dishes aren’t in front of them for longer than a few seconds. Even if you don’t realize it, your eye is always on that table.

Ok...what does this have to do with anything? Well I’ll tell you! It’s very much like miracles. What? Miracles? Seriously? Oh yes...seriously. G-d works miracle on a daily basis. So many people dream of seeing a miracle. But don’t seem to realize that just in one day of their lives they could have witnessed several.

Like the tippers, I am going to put miracles into three separate categories. First we had the horrible tippers. Now I don’t think any miracle from G-d is horrible (or negative in any way shape or form). But I do think that some are unexpected. By unexpected, I mean not quite when you pictured and/or prayed for. Sometimes they can be a far cry from what you had in mind. While a horrible tipper may not leave you anything for the time and effort you put in, they are still building revenue for the place of business. Without that revenue, you have no job. The unexpected miracles can at times, even be confused with more trials or headaches. I am going to use my parents for an example here. When they were in their early twenties, they each separately moved to a place in the mountains. It was there that they fell in love with the mountains and eventually met and fell in love with each other. After three years of marriage my father landed a job in an area far away. They went, settled, had my brother and I, and planned for a life there even though deep down they really wanted to head back to the mountains. A couple times they tried to sell the house but nothing ever came of it. So they came to a point where they figured it was a sign from G-d that this was where they needed to stay put. Well, after 27 years of employment my father was laid off along with many of his coworkers due to the company downsizing because of the rough economy. It’s a pretty devastating thing to face. They knew it was a possibility and they were preparing for it. But that doesn’t ever seem to soften the blow. The next two years were very rough. They were alright, they took care of themselves but finding new jobs and a new life is no easy thing. They dealt with the unknown as far as what lay ahead for them and the stress of looking for work and starting over. They even had to live apart for a period of time because he had to go where he could look for work and she had to stay with me and keep working the job she still had. There were days where it felt like it would go from bad to worse and even I began to get angry and ask G-d why. But now...they have been humbled from their experience. If you ask my mom what she would do differently, she would say nothing because they ended up right where they had been asking to be. All those years that they lived elsewhere, they wanted to go back to the mountains. They saw it happening in a different way. They saw it happening with work lined up and a house of their own and without any headaches, just excitement. But through everything thing G-d brought them to a perfect little apartment in a wonderful neighborhood with wonderful people. They are located in a valley so all they have to do is open their blinds in the morning and they see mountains right there across the way. There is wildlife all around them. My father is working a job that is much different from what he used to have, but he’s also much happier with it. My mom was talking to me one day and she told that after everything happened, she realized that when she wasn’t looking, G-d worked a miracle and granted her exactly what she wanted.

These are the unexpected miracles; the miracles that usually occur when G-d brings good of a bad situation. It can be so hard to see it and have faith in it when you are in the middle of everything because as humans, we only see what is in front of us. G-d, however, sees all and knows what He is doing. Sometimes the outcomes aren’t quite what we hoped for either. My mom and dad were blessed with what they were asking for over the years. But G-d could have settled them elsewhere with different jobs because that’s where He needed them. I know that there are some that could be reading this asking why G-d would let things happen or why G-d doesn’t always give what we specifically asked for if we are good strong followers of His. My answer....I have no answer. Only G-d knows and sees what needs to happen and what is to come. I am in the middle of dealing with some difficult trials of my own right now. And there are days where I am frustrated and want to ask Him why. But then I calm down and remember that it’s not my place to question. It’s my place to have faith. I have seen good come of some horrible situations. And any of you out there dealing with difficulties, know that I will always be praying for you and G-d will always be by yours side. Even on days when it feels like He’s as far away as he can get. Having faith in Him doesn’t make the situation better, but it does make it a little easier to deal with because you are allowing Him to bare the burden for you. So, after reading this I want to ask you to take some time to reflect on things past and present. Try and see G-d in them. Sometimes it’s something as simple as making you stronger or humbling you so you can be ready for the next task. But in all of it....there is some sort of unexpected miracle.

G-d Bless,

K

To be continued.......The “Tipper” Miracles: Part Two: The Average Tipper